awful me

drunk last night... ...never let myself drunk actually i was talking about i even never ever let myself touch alcohol(except cooking alcohol,alcohol-filled chocolate and rum and raisin icecream).coz alcohol tasts sucks... ...with high calorie(i'd rather get a piece of chocolate with that quota)
feel really awful and guilty about my drunk,it spoiled all the image i built up infront of friends... ...
but i did it on purpose... ...really want to get drunk and be irresponsible for only 1 night... ...I AM COMPLETELY A GEMINI,and i admit i got 2 faces,and the Wendy everyone knows is a happy,positive,bright,kind-hearted,good natured and likable with a whole big bunch of friends at school... ...but the other Wendy only Wendy knows,she is negative,down mood all the time, scared of loneliness and cry for the unhappiness happened at the day time during night time when she is alone,becuase she just tried soooooo hard to be a perfect person around everyone.
just want to say,becuase i was born to make others around me happy and feel comfortable when they around.
it is true that different people would react differently after drunk.me??????????i cry... ...i feel awful about myself again,coz even i drunk my brain still offered signals of minimizing the lost of image,i hold myself so hard that try to walk straight and try not to talk alot when LD walk me home.but after i found my keys opened my room door i called Angela(the only person i wanted to call at that time).i cried and cried and cried for 40 mins through the phone,just completely lost controls,but seriously after that i found i am totally released.and i still remembered what did angela said through the phone call,the only sentence she repeated was"you are a human,you need to make sure you are happy at the first place,then think about others,do not push yourself too much" and i was kept crying out"no i can not,we are mature enough to hold our emotions all the time and be responsible to others"... ...
just want to say i would never ever let myself drunk again... ...this really let me feel awful about myself,i am worrying if i said anything rude or wrong last night... ...if i did,i do not want to hurt anyone i really on purposely made myself drunk for venting my deepest mind.
I AM SORRY TO EVERYONE LAST NIGHT,AND I FEEL SORRY TO MYSELF!!!